What color is your parachute?
I have very good reason for my recent hiatus. My recent break-up has been completely difficult on me. I didn’t know what to write or what to express. Maybe a part of me believed that everything would eventually go back to normal and she’d come back to me. She continued to message after she moved out, claiming she loved me and wanted to work on us. Oddly, she didn’t want to live together but still wanted to continue with plans for conceiving and marrying in Sept. That didn’t make sense to me, so, I decided against it. You see if you can easily walk out on us from one moment to the next, what’s to say she wouldn’t abandon the baby and I. If you can’t stand at my side through the bad then you definitely don’t deserve me at my best. I didn’t think we had that many issues. I truly didn’t. We had arguments like many other couples but nothing we couldn’t overcome. I think there was someone else. My gut can’t stress this enough. So, while it may be killing everyday that passes I can’t go in reverse. This wasn’t the first time she walked out on me. Seems like every time she walks out its when the bills or rent is due. It’s a shame that a partner can be so about their money that they’d rather go home and live with their parents so they can spend it all on themselves. Some people never want to grow up. Or maybe she didn’t love me enough.
I try to occupy my mind with so many things that I don’t have time to think of her. I’m starting my diet tomorrow. I have also decided to go forth with insemination. Many women are single and they can bring a child into this life and shower them with as much love as a couple possibly could. I don’t need anyone to do this. I’m a strong woman. My diet is for myself. I lost so much self esteem in this relationship. I lost a sense of whom I was as well. All I did was for her. She started creating the woman she wanted me to be, thinking back, if I was made for her, she wouldn’t feel the need to change me, right? I know we all alter one or two things but the constant nagging became too much. “Show more cleavage, Tory.” “Wear more heels” “Stop being a kid at heart, because fucking you is like fucking a child!” “You’re a whore and you’re probably cheating on me!” “I hate you and I hope you’d die!” The verbal abuse was horrendous. I stood by her side because I knew her past. It’s obvious it created a very angry little girl who carried it until her adult life. I wanted to save her. To allow her to see how I could love her for all her imperfections.
When she’d lose it, her eyes would become black and lifeless. Like she was stuck in a brief moment of madness. It would terrify me. At other times she had the most beautiful light brown eyes. Her smile would make my heart skip a beat. Her laughter still rings in my ears. Besides the tumultuous woman within, she had a soft and wonderful side to her. It wouldn’t come out often but when it did, it would remind me of the very reason I fell in love with her.
Getting over her is going to be the hardest challenge of my life. I gave myself to her like I’d never done so. She knows things about me that I’d never tell a soul. She never judged me and I never judged her back. Some things aren’t forever, no matter how much they promise you they are……
From here on, I look forward…. I have no other choice in the matter…
“That is all I have to say about that….”
Add a comment June 5, 2011
Goodbye Blogger!
I was originally writing in blogger, I must admit I didn’t like it too much. Plus, I heard a lot of wonderful things here on wordpress so decided to give it a try.
Since this is my first time blogging here I feel obligated to introduce myself aside from my profile 
My name is Tory and I’m a photographer. Rumor has it that I was born with a camera in hand. It’s always been my passion. I feel sane when I can capture the beauty among me. If I’m not photographing I feel that I am not entirely complete.
My partner, her name is Diana. She is a hair stylist and is amazing at what she does. She’s one of the most sarcastic people you could come across but she keeps you laughing the entire time. She comes off a bit stand-offish but once you get into her heart she’s the most loving and caring person. Just taking the time to bring down those walls
We are heavily tattoo’d and I have piercings. I love pinups and adore anything vintage. We both love Zombies and horror movies. We don’t judge and we appreciate the same in return. We are at a point in our lives where we want to share our love with a baby Zombie of our own.
We will start inseminating in July and we will be married in Sept. God willing of course. I guess that’s our story in a nutshell.
“That’s all I have to say about that…”
Add a comment May 17, 2011
